Growing Pains
by igotthepower
Summary: Saskia, a girl with strange powers, escaped a violent hunters group ten years ago, and found shelter in a remote part of Rhode Island. Now living a peaceful and normal life, she's caught up by her past when she meets two brothers on a hunt. Please R&R! New chapter every week! If you have any ideas for the story, feel free to participate to its writing.
1. Memories

She likes to go to the beach. The beach always reminds her of Nan. Her apple pie, her smile, her old fashioned apron. It always feels bittersweet, to remember Nan.

10 years ago, when Saskia arrived on that beach, she thougt it was the end of her journey. She had never seen the ocean, and she thought it would be a nice place to put the final point to her story. She still had a few bullets in her gun and she was tired of running. She had just turned 16 but she felt like an old, very old woman. She sat on the cold sand, it was the end of October, and she closed her eyes, listening to the sound of the waves, and the wind, trying to catch the perfect moment to shut down her life for good. She thought about her mother.

She died when she was only ten years old, and her features were blurry in her memory. Her name was Ellen, and she was always scared. Ellen ran away from Europe – which country, she never said, it was the country of "back then" – pregnant with Saskia. Running away from what ? « A very bad man ». Who was the man ? « Someone who wants to hurt us, someone who wants to find you ». Why ? « Because you're special ». Saskia always thought her mom was slightly deranged. Especially when she reached 8 years old and her mom said she had found a way to protect her forever from the bad man. She had to write something on her skin, but she would make it pretty. She didn't say it would hurt like hell and that it would take months to cover her back with runes and strange scribbles. Ellen made it look like a cherry tree branch, with pink blossoms. It was indeed pretty. But she couldn't forget all those nights spent crying with Ellen repeating it's for your own good.

The night Ellen died, when everything caugh on fire, Saskia began to consider maybe her mother was right. Maybe something was after them, but not after her. Or maybe, as Logan said "your stupid mother fell asleep with a cigarette".

All the bad things happened after that. And then she ran away, arrived on that beach and heard "What are you doing here all alone sweetheart?". An sweet, elderly voice. It was how she met Nan. Nan invited her in her house, to drink a hot cup of cocoa, "just a few minutes". And then it was, "you can use the bathroom if you want" and then, "maybe you should sleep here just for tonight", and then "if you have nowhere to go maybe you should stay here with me". And then she had a home for the first time.

Nan never asked any question about the weird book, the hunting knife and the gun in her backpack. She never asked about the tattoo. She never said anything about the 5 or 6 fake Ids she was carrying, and never asked if Saskia Jager was her real name. She didn't even know that herself.

Nan never questioned her choice when she decided to be home-schooled. She never called the social services. It was a small community, and Saskia had been introduced as old Nan niece, and as everybody loved old Nan, nobody said otherwise.

Well there was that one time, when the doctor said her tattoo seemed old, that she had old scars, cigarette burns and fractures all over her body, things got tense. Nan managed to make up a story, but was troubled for days. She asked Saskia what happened to her, and she had to lie about it. That's when she invented the Lie. The Lie was she ran away from an abusive foster family, and that she didn't want at any cost to go back in the system. She felt bad about lying to Nan, but how could she had crushed her world?

She was such a sweet person. Saskia had always wondered why she had no family, except that brother she hadn't seen in years. But she wasn't the kind to ask questions about people's private lives. If Nan hadn't any husband or kids, it wasn't her business. She was a damn good grandma, and that was what was important.

Saskia is burying her feet in the sand, thinking about all the good times they had. When she started helping Nan at the antique shop, "Nan's treasures". how she loved every object, because it felt like everyone had kind of a little soul. She was running it on her own now, and after 3 years it still felt lonely. When Nan died in her sleep, Saskia was 23 years old and her world was shattered again. Even if she found out Nan left her the shop and her house, she felt insecure, helpless and terrified about the future. The day of the funeral, a lot of people came to the house, bringing her food, telling her stories about Nan, how nice she was, how appreciated she was. To Saskia, who almost hadn't talk to anyone except Nan in 7 years, the kindness of those strangers felt nice, and weird. From that day on she decided she would be a real member of the community and forgot about her plans to sell everything and run away.

She even met a boy, from an old family of fishermen. Michael Dervaux was the typical popular smalltown boy. He thought she was kind and pretty. She told him the Lie. And within 6 months they were engaged. Being with Michael made her feel normal, being with Michael made her almost popular. Suddenly there were more people at the shop, people were visiting her, inviting her. People thought they made a cute couple. She knew people were a little bit pitying her. Even Michael. He had that painful expression when she told him the Lie, that was yet way less shocking that the truth. But thinking that, that "poor Saskia" had had to lie until she was 21 to escape the system which put her in an abusive family was enough for the sheltered people of North Kingston.

What would they have thought if they knew Saskia's mother was a powerful witch, that Saskia could kill demons just by wishing it, and that the abusive family she ran away from was a group of supernatural creatures hunters?

What would Michael think?

The wedding is in 3 months, and Saskia feels more and more anxious about the Lie. What is she going to tell her children when they're scare of something in their closet? Grab a shotgun and pour salt around your bed?

And what if she gets angry and the Thing happens again?

What if the Bad Man was real?

What if?

For now she can just lie on Point Judith's beach and try to empty her head, listening to the sound of the waves.


	2. Business

Having an antique shop in a small town won't make you rich. Nan was never rich. As she used to say « this house has been in the family since my grand father arrived from Ireland, i don't drive so much and i'm never sick. I don't need a lot of money to live ». Indeed. But she had to work all her life. She was against loans, mortgages and credits. She said it was for pretentious people who wanted to seem richer than they were.

Even if Saskia agreed, you have enough money when you don't lack of it, with the economy being so slow, people hesitated a lot before buying an expensive antique. Her first move was starting to sell on the internet, and it was clever, she gained a few clients, but not enough to keep the business afloat. She needed rare stuff. Rare things rich people would want. But to have rare things, you need to find them, and buy them. What's rare is precious, what's precious is expensive.

It felt like she was a hamster running in a wheel.

She began to be desperate about it until she remembered there was a time when she saw rare and expensive things on a regular basis. Usually, those things were old, unique, precious and haunted by vicious beings. Like that killer mirror, in Louisiana that had been cursed by a a voodoo witch. That was certainly a very clever witch, and Saskia always thought she must have had a good reason to curse a mirror, and make it kill all the member of the same family whenever they reached a certain level of happiness. And its owner was an old bitch, still living in her family's plantation house she didn't want to leave at any cost, regretting the time when black people "knew where their place was". The only flaw of that mirror, was that when you're old and bitter and you hate everyone, it doesn't kill you. Anyway. Ellen managed to identify the cursed object and to purify it, after the old bitch's son died on his wedding day. That mirror dated from the 18th century, and cost certainly a lot. Maybe there were other people trying to get rid of that kind of stuff?

Maybe theses people would sell it for peanuts?

That's when she started to investigate cases again. To her, it was not hunting. For some weird reason, she always felt close to those angry things stuck in a world of fear and anger. Vengeful ghosts, trapped souls, old curses...All this existed because someone suffered at some point and tried to get revenge. Wanting revenge is human. But even if she felt some sympathy for them, when it's vicious you need to kill it. Period.

So one day she read that story about a farmer's daughter, not so far away from North Kingston, who was supposed to be possessed by a demon. Possessed people are usually idiots who played too much with a ouija board, or idiots who opened an hex box. Yes you have to be a moron to open a box with DON'T OPEN IT written on it. But normal people never take seriously that kind of warning until they begin to speak latin and puke blood. Anyway, a priest tried to exorcise her, a psychiatrist tried to knock her out with drugs, nothing worked. The newspaper concluded this was another meth drama.

She took one of her faked Ids, the Katie Smithers one, and drove five hours to that farm. She was lucky she looked young. She pretended to be a psychic who would help the girl for free. "My Light Being drove me to your home, and told me to use my energy of love to purify your daughter", she said, with an ecstatic smile. She figured it was the kind of crap a psychic would say. But it worked. She asked the parents to leave the house, "because it's not very feng shui at the moment", and went inside the girls room.

The girl was indeed possessed. In the room, Saskia noticed that all the furniture was old. Damn. Which on was it?

-What's your name?

-I'm Satan! Lord of Hell! You whore! Grunted the possessed girl

-Yeah you certainly hope so, you trash, I don't even care about your name. What are you, a dybbuk? A ghost? You're trapped somewhere in the room?

The girl suddenly looked puzzled.

-Who are you?

-I'm Saskia, i'm here to free you.

-You can do that?

-Yes, if you tell me how you arrived here...

-She opened my box

A hex box, almost too easy.

-Show me...

-It's that jewelry box, over there.

That jewelry box was a beautiful marquetry box. It looked quite old and had written on it, "some secrets are meant to stay hidden". Morons. Saskia touched the box, and felt that strange tingling in her fingers she always felt near that kind of objects. She closed her eyes, and focused and that feeling until she found the weak point. She whispered "release", and the girl began to laugh hysterically.

-i'm free! I'm free! You stupid bitch! Now you're gonna...

-No so fast scumbag, said Saskia, pointing her finger to the girl who instantly froze.

The girl looked very angry, but couldn't move. She was pinned on the wall like a very ugly butterfly.

-You liar! You said you would free me!

-I said I would free you, I never said I would leave you inside that girl's body.

-If you try to take me out, I'll kill her!

-Not if you die first

The demons eyes widened with fear as she stuttered "your eyes...you're not...". Saskia looked at her with a little grin. Stupid creatures.

Suddenly the girl collapsed. Saskia carried her to her bed, waiting for her to wake up. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes and cried. Saskia rose, took her ecstatic psychic smile and said "You're free sweetheart! God bless you!", and went outside to ask the girl's parent to come in. Everyone was crying, Saskia was trying to. And when they asked her what she wanted, she asked for the jewelry box.

A few weeks later she sold it for 3000 dollars on e-bay

That's how the new business started. Since the jewelry box episode, she bought or was given a lot of cursed objects. She didn't even used her fake Ids, she just asked people if they had something to sell and they were more than happy to get rid of those things. Especially when you know that if you try to get rid of a cursed artifact, it will always find its way back to you. Well except if someone purifies it before. After a few months, some people even came to the shop to sell her things. She couldn't help but noticing that some of theses people, though knowing the object was dangerous, were still trying to make money out of it. Tightwads.

That how she saved Nan's treasures. Of course she had to make up another lie. Michael said she was an excellent business woman and that he was very proud of her. He even said, sometimes you should take me with you to those secondhand markets. She said I don't think so honey, it's very dusty and very boring.

So on this nice spring morning, Saskia is browsing the internet, looking for a case. Internet really changed everything about hunting. When she was a kid, people were reading actual papers, and it took ages to find something interesting.

After a few minutes she stumbles upon something that looks like a case. 4 children died in mysterious circumstances in a youth camp. They apparently died sleeping. The weird thing is, a fifth kid didn't die, he wasn't sleeping, he was in the bathroom, and told the police he saw a ghost little boy crawling out of an old wardrobe and kiss on the forehead all the kids in the room.

That is creepy. Ghost children are the creepiest thing. But hey, maybe that wardrobe is worth something. And the camp is only two hours away.

Let's drive.


	3. Damsel in distress

_I rewrote chapter 3!_

* * *

_I've been stupid. I've been careless and stupid._

It's clear for Saskia that she's been too confident. Her business was going alltogether too well and she didn't think she could one day meet hunters on a case. The area was too remote, nobody cared about antiques. But this case? People, children, had died. It screamed "hunting case". But she has been away from the job for so long...Now she's in trouble. She has sold the wardrobe to a collectionneur in China and she needs to ship it there. The transporter is supposed to come in a week but now she needs to purify it tonight. Shit.

_If I do a crappy job, I might have to burn the wardrobe and then, goodbye money._

Fortunately, she has stored enough energy in a few cristals, in case the exorcism doesn't go well. It was one of the first tricks her mother taught her, for "whenever you feel tired or weak, or if you have to deal with a powerful creature". It doesn't look like a very powerful ghots but she can't afford failing right now.

She guessed who they were the instant they came inside the shop. They said they were FBI, looking confident, showing their badges in a very carefree manner, as if to say we've done it a thousand times. They were smiling too much, and they were way too muscular. An FBI agent would be fit, not that massive. The taller one had long hair, too long for a federal agent. Both seemed uncomfortable in their suits. And it was a local case, an accident, FBI had nothing to do with that, especially two weeks after the police closed the case. They wanted to see the wardrobe, "just to check". Hunters, for sure.  
She tried to look normal, to be the smiling, friendly blond girl she was expected to be. The tall one seemed sick, he was pale and his eyes were shiny, feverish. The smaller one looked like a healthy country boy, but with a closer look you could notice he was also tired. Nevertheless he was doing his best to look charming, and Saskia thought allright, look at him as if you were attracted to him. Do the cartoon eyes, bat your lashes. Men like this, it will lower his guard. He made a stupid joke about ghosts, and she laughed._ I won_, she thought, still smiling like a Miss America wannabe. Now the tall one.  
He seemed a little out of it, but was looking very carefully at every single object in the shop. _He's looking for cursed artifacts, hunter's stuff, but i'm not stupid enough to put that kind of things in plain view. I need to draw his attention to something else. He's calm, his teeth are white...he doesn't smoke, he's maybe not a coffee drinker...Tea, he's definitely a tea person, though he won't admit it in front of the other one...Except if it's strong. I have black tea in the back!_

-Would you like some tea sir? I have a strong black tea a friend brought me back from India. No disrespect but you look a little ill.

He looked surprised, but in a good way.

-Yes thank you, you're very kind.  
-Coffee sir? She asked the other one  
-If it's not too much trouble, he answered, still wearing his cocky smile._ Asshole, self confident asshole._

She went in the back, made a tea and a cofee, trying to listen to what they could say. But they didn't talk, they were careful. When she came back, the small one asked

-So tell me, Miss Jager, why did you buy this wardrobe? It's only been two weeks since the tragedy...  
-Oh I thought about the people from Bolton's House...Did you know that the Boltons originally gave that house so it could be a place where poor sick children could be cured?  
- Yes, Mrs uh...Lambert told us that. Tuberculosis, right? And the it was turned into a youth camp in the 60's.  
- For children whose parents can't afford taking them on holidays. How generous...But you know, even if the house in itself has a great value, the camp doesn't have a lot of money, it depends on donations. So i thought this terrible accident could really put them in trouble when they're doing such a good job with the kids. So i proposed them to buy the wardrobe twice its price, 1000$, this way it won't scare the children who will come next and it's a way of making a donation.  
-That's kind of you.  
-No really, I'm just trying to be a good neighbor, that's all.

Touché. The tall one gave her a gentle smile, and the small one nodded, looking like he honestly thought it was a nice gesture. What if they had know she had bought it largely cheaper than it was worth! Thank God for stupid people, they have no idea of the value of things. If something is 20 year old, to them it's old. Old stuff, as they say. 1000 seemed a fortune to Mrs Lambert, when the real price was closer to 10 000. Anyway now they were thinking she was an innocent nice girl, fond of her community.

The small one was looking at her hand. _My ring, right, it's time to play the blushing fiancée._

- Are you married? he said, still smiling  
- Dean! Uh agent Lee! said the tall one, annoyed.  
- It's allright. Yes, engaged to be, i'm getting married in three months, i can't wait!  
- Lucky guy!  
- Thank you, but i'm the lucky one, believe me.

Then they asked to see the wardrobe, but during the day there was nothing to see. She had already checked it, looking for writing or anything visible and there was nothing. They decided to leave, and Saskia felt very relieved. They didn't suspect anything, to them, i'm just a pretty idiot who liked pretty things. They stood outside for a minute and she could hear a glimpse of their conversation:

-So what do you think Sammy?  
-She's a nice girl...  
-Of the case, Sam, the case.  
-Well, if the wardrobe is haunted, then she's in danger.  
-That's exactly what i think. We need to get here tonight and destroy that thing before it kills again. I would be a shame such a sweet girl dies 3 months before getting married.

_Shit, they think i'm a damsel in distress. _


	4. Trouble

- What are you?  
- Calm down...  
- WHAT are you?!  
- Calm down I'm a...hunter, like you.

Saskia is in big trouble. She wasn't able to go to Nan's Treasures in time because of her mother in law. Yes it's true what they say about them. She was in her house, in HER house, making dinner, with a stupid smile on her face. She had certainly asked Michael to lend her his keys to Saskia's house so she could _"_cook my daughter in law a nice surprise dinner so we can talk, just us girls". _Fuck_. Of course it was impossible to tell her "that's really nice of you Nicole, but you're invading my privacy, i hate your food and i really, really have to be somewhere else right now". But normal people don't say that. Normal people would say "Oh it's so niiiiice! You shouldn't have done thaaaat!", and that's precisely what she told Nicole. She sat down and ate greasy chicken wings and overcooked vegetables, thinking how she should have kept her cristals in the shop instead of her house. She listened to Nicole babbling about how excited she was for the upcoming wedding, how beautiful the maids of honor's dresses were...For a minute, Saskia thought that if she were normal she would love having a mother in law so affectionate.

She was looking at the clock, trying to make Nicole understand it was time to go._ Please go before midnight, please go, please_...

- You look tired sweetheart, I'm going to go home now and let you have your beauty sleep, she finally said, pinching Saskia's cheek  
- Oh so soon? I'm so sorry Nicole, I had a long day at work  
- I know honey, by the way, that was very sweet what you did for Bolton's house, we're all very proud of you  
- I just tried to help...  
- And you did! Good night sweety.

When Nicole was finally gone, Saskia sat down for a minute. She felt bad about herself, and her mouth tasted like ashes._ I'm a bad person. I should be happy about all this, and i'm not. I should have helped Bolton's house for real and i didn't. And the worse is, i know it's wrong but i don't feel any guilt. _

**_That's because you're not human. You're nothing, you're not even worth talking to._**

Logan's voice. Saskia shook her head, trying to get rid of it. He was gone now, he couldn't hurt her anymore but his words...his words were still there, somewhere inside of her. Words are worse than wounds, and even now, she was afraid there could be some right in it. Nan always said she was a sweet girl, like a wounded little bird. Nan always saw the good in her.

Sometimes she wonders why Nan was the only person she truly loved since she left Logan's group, after the Thing happened. Of course she does love Michael, but she's not sure she's in love with him, the way you're supposed to love someone you're going to, hopefully, spend your life with. He's a good person, he makes her feel safe - as much as someone like her can - and he really loves her. He's very understanding, and caring, and full of projects, but he doesn't know the truth about her and can never know. Nan didn't know either, but she guessed that everything Saskia said about her past was a lie, and didn't care. "Whatever you say honey". She knew something really bad happened but she never tried to have a proper explanation, and it never made her change her mind about keeping Saskia with her. She was convinced she was a good kid, though damaged and never judged her. Since Nan died, Saskia never felt that understood and that loved again. She tried so hard to blend that everybody believed the Lie, and nobody sees through it. And the more time passes, the less she feels, just like before, when her feelings were so numb she could tolerate almost everything.

But there was no time to feel sorry for herself, she needed to grab the cristals and drive to the shop, hoping the hunters wouldn't be there already, as it was passed midnight.

When she arrived, the backdoor was wide open. She didn't lock it when she left, because she knew hunters wouldn't hesitate to demolish it. She came slowly inside, only to see that the tall one was one the ground, apparently knocked out, and the small one was stuck on the wall, the ghost boy strangling him with his tiny murderous hands. "Go away, now! Save yourself!" said the hunter. Saskia felt a little pissed to see that even on the verge of being killed he was still doing that chivalresque act.

- Hey you, she said to the ghost, leave that guy alone.

The ghost kid turned his head towards her, but his body didn't move. _Oh God he's doing that creepy The Exorcist's trick_. She wanted to laugh but the hunter was turning blue so she raised her hand and without touching him, pulled the ghost back, so he was forced to release the hunter, who fell on the ground, breathing heavily. The ghost was trying to move, but couldn't. That was fair to say he seemed really annoyed.

- Release us you stupid cunt!  
- And on top of that you're rude and megalomaniac? My god...  
- We're going to put you to sleep, and then you will stay with us forever

_Oh shit_. She didn't think about that. The ghost didn't kill his victims, he swallowed their lives to get stronger. So he was at least 6 times stronger than the average ghost, and even more, if he was old.

- How many are you, she said feeling her grip on the ghost was getting weaker and weaker.  
- Enough! yelled the ghost with crazy eyes

She grabbed her cristals with her other hand, and quickly felt the energy running through her body. _Thanks Mama_. Then she ran to the wardrobe, touched it and cut the bonds which attached it to the ghost. The headache came immediately. That was harder than she thought, but she had to carry on and kill the horrible little boy, who was close to release himself. The wardrobe seemed to be one of his sources of energy, so he made an hideous scream when he felt separated from it. Saskia focused on him and felt her eyes burn. _Don't panic, don't destroy everything, breathe_. The ghost began to burn, and in a second there was nothing left of him.

Saskia felt suddenly very tired, and her mouth was wet. She touched it with a trembling hand. Nosebleed. Then everything became dark and she felt herself fall on the ground.

When she was out, she made the Nightmare. As always, Logan was in front of her, his face deformed by hate and disgust. She was crying, and told him "how can you do this to me, i'm just a child!" and he answered...he answered...

**_You have never been a child._**

And then everything, everyone, burnt. And she was euphoric. Euphoric and horrified.

When she woke up, she was tied to a chair, and the two hunters wanted to know **_what_** she was.


	5. What I am

The smaller hunter seemsvery self confident, and a little voice at the back of Saskia's head just wondered what he would look like with his hair on fire.

**_NO SASKIA, NO!_**

Mama's voice. It's distinct, with _that_ panic in her voice. But still. He's annoying and he has just thrown holy water at her. At this point, tied to her chair, she has only two options: killing them both or trying to talk her way through it.

- I'm a hunter, just like you. Who are you?  
- I'm Dean Winchester, and this is my brother Sam.

_Gun names, how ridiculous..._

- And you what's your name?  
- Saskia Jager is my real name.  
- Like the singer?  
- No, like "hunter" in german

That's precisely why she's always thought it wasn't her mother's real name, but it's the only one she's ever known.

- Untie me, I...I just wanted to exorcise that wardrobe so it doesn't kill anymore that's all.  
- So why didn't you tell us in the first place? asked Sam  
- Because...because I wasn't proud of what i did. I bought it largely below its real price.

The one called Dean one burst out laughing

- You were afraid of what we could think of you?

_Look innocent._

- Well I know it sounds silly but...  
- It still doesn't tell us how you did what you did.  
- I just...can, there's nothing mysterious about it. My mother came from an old family of witches and psychics so...I have a few powers of my own.

Dean's eyes suddenly change, and he looks much older. There is something really hard in his gaze, and he looks very judgmental.

- But you waited for us to be here to kill the ghost? What the hell were you waiting for? You want to know what I think? I think you were going to ship that thing away without giving a crap about what could happen to its new owner. What kind of hunter are you? Sam, call Garth.  
- What? said Sam  
- I wanna know if he knows if she's really a hunter.

Sam walks away with his phone

- Who's Garth?  
- He know every hunters. If you're one of us he'll know.  
- He won't! I...I do it for money, from times to times. I'm not affilated with any group whatsoever. And I would never ship something dangerous, please!

_**Kill them.**__  
NO!  
__**Kill them and nobody will know.**__  
I won't do it, I won't kill people.  
__**You know you can do it, you just have to want it You remember when you...**__  
NO!_

Saskia's hearbeat is rising and her eyes are burning. She feels threatened, and she know she doesn't react well to threats. She doesn't want any hunter to know where she is, those two are already more than enough. She's been patiently building a safe life here. If anyone from her past resurface, she will have to leave everyone. They need to stop doing that, stop showing of their guns and untie her. Quick. The headache is getting worse and she needs to lie down.

- Listen, i really feel sick, i need some medicine... i will tell you what you want to know, but please untie me.

She has tears in her eyes, and she's not faking them. These last few months, she has been asking herself if she was really taking the good decision; getting married, settle here, with Mike. Now she feels she's on the verge of loosing everything, anxiety is smothering her. Mike is certainly going to come to her house tomorrow morning with coffee and muffins, like he always do when he's been away. If she's not home he's going to worry, he's going to look for her.

The only solution to get away would be letting the Thing loose, but then it would mean losing herself into that very dark place she don't want to go back to. She's helpless. But then Dean comes to her and slice the rope with a hunting knife.

- Stay put. What do you need?  
- Uh...water and my painkillers...in my purse, thank you.

Dean walks away and her vision becomes blurry. She can't stay sit, now her back hurts, as if someone was cutting her with a sharp blade. Left shoulder, like always when the Thing wants to go out. Fucking tattoo. She collapses and just has the time to see Dean running back to her.

* * *

- Where are we going Mama?

One of Saskia's first memories, she was five, or maybe a little younger. She was in the car with Ellen, it was during the summer. The car was old, with no air conditionning, and it was awfully hot inside. Ellen seemed tired, very tired. It had been a week of sleeping in the car, trying to find jobs. Saskia knew it was not he kind of question to ask a tired adult, but still, she wanted to know where they were going. She wanted to know if they would go back to...to where? She can't remember. But Mama was very clear:

- We're not going back there.  
- But why?  
- Because it's dangerous.  
- Everything is dangerous with you! Why can't you be a normal mom?  
- Why can't you be a normal child! yelled Ellen, parking the car on the side of the road.

She looked at her daughter and saw the tears filling her eyes. Ellen began to cry and apologize at the same time. I'm sorry my love, i'm sorry, Mama's tired, i didn't mean it. But it was too late. _I am not normal, and we're running because of me_.

Later that day, Ellen tried to find a motel, so her daughter could sleep in a real bed. She didn't have any money, so she tried to pity the owner, begging for just one night so her kid could rest. The man was ugly. He seemed dirty. He looked at Ellen with a weird gaze, with a mean smile. Saskia instantly hated him, and she began to feel very, very angry. The mean man was asking Mama what she would be ready to do to have a room, that if she was nice, she could stay a whole week. He had a filthy way to say "nice". Saskia suddenly thought that in a ideal world, like, if she was a queen and everybody had to listen to her, that kind of person would be put to death, and that would be justice. She could feel Mama's unease.

Mama's begging. And the dirty man won't help.

- Oh my God! What the hell is that?

The dirty man is scared. Good.

- Wha...what's wrong?  
- The kid...her eyes...

Mama covered her eyes with her hand and said

- NO SASKIA, NO!  
- Why?  
- Not on people, never!  
- What are you talking about?!

Saskia just wanted the bad man to disappear. She didn't know what Mama was talking about. Now her eyes were burning, she was tired and hungry, and Mama's scared. Of her. She's scared of her.

- Are you angry Mama?  
- No, no i'm not angry. But Saskia you must never, you hear me, never, get mad like this at people. I'm very serious.  
- He was mean.  
- Never. Now let's go...  
- I can sleep in the car, i don't want to stay here...  
- Ok, allright.

They left the motel and slept in the car, again, Saskia wrapped up in her favorite blankie. In the morning, when Saskia woke up, her mother was sit on the car's trunk, reading the newspaper. She said she had found "a job", but that it was far away. Saskia sighed. Driving. Again! They drove for two days, almost straight, and Saskia had nothing else to do that asking questions to her mom. Question that would always remain unanswered like, were do you come from, why don't we have a home, who's my daddy, and of course, where are we going.

The job wasn't waiting tables or working in a mini market, it was killing a "monster" that was preying on teenage girls. Saskia had no idea how that kind of job could bring them any kind of money. Mama had found the monster, and had said to Saskia to stay in the car, to hide. But Mama wasn't coming back from this nasty warehouse. So she decided to go inside, to see if Mama had killed the monster or not. Everything was dark and rusty, and dirty, and then she saw her mom lying on the ground, with a woman beside her. The woman had her hand inside her chest, inside! Saskia screamed the loudest she could "GET AWAY FROM MY MAMA!", and felt her eyes burn, just like what happened with the dirty man. Except this time, the woman caught on fire, a fire so bright, so...beautiful. And then she vanished.

Saskia ran to her mother, and Ellen whispered

- On these...you can.

* * *

- Oh my God Dean she's burning up!  
- Fever?  
- A brutal one yeah...help me lie her down on that couch. Here, take off her coat.

Dean carefully takes off Saskia's coat. She's just wearing a white tanktop, and he can't miss the huge tattoo on her back.

- Sammy what's that?  
- Uh...runes I think...I can't read that...  
- Who the hell is this girl...

_I have no idea._


	6. Little Devil

The fever is terrible. It's always like that, when she tries to keep the Thing inside. It's just like drowning. You are under water, and the pressure on your chest becomes so strong that you literally need to swallow water. Here, the fever becomes so unbearable you need to release it. But you can't. You can't because it would make a monster of you. You can't because there's that pounding pain in your left shoulder that reminds you that this is evil. But there is that little voice inside your head who tells you that you are stronger than any scribble on your back. Don't listen to it. Focus on your heartbeat. Try to slow it down. They won't kill you, because if they wanted to, you would be already dead.

- Hey Dean look at that, it's amazing...I think...this blossom, right here, it's kinda the same tattoo than ours  
- It doesn't look like it...  
- Not the pattern, no, the writing.  
- You're right!

The tattoo looks like a cherry tree branch, and from afar, it is just like any girly pink tattoo; but from upclose, one can see that something iswritten in a little darker shade of colour.

- That must have taken ages to tattoo, said Dean. And the rest? What does it say?  
- I don't know...those are runes, i would need a book to translate. That, i don't know. This, on the left shoulder is hebrew i think...  
- Hebrew?  
- Yeah...it looks like every flower is a single spell, and the branch links them all.  
- Why so many protections? And against what?  
- I don't know, but Dean...she does have a hunter's tattoo. And she's sick...

Dean is puzzled. What she did to that ghost was definitely not human. She might be a witch, but witches, for what he knows, are usually opportunist bitches, murderers and liars. He doesn't want to put them in danger, especially with Sam's condition which is getting worse by the hour. But if she's a hunter, he can't let her die either.

- Hey do you hear me? Saskia do you hear me?

_A voice. The hunter is talking but it's like he's mile away._

- I don't mean you any harm. I...we believe you, we saw your tattoo. How can I help you?

_He's not threatening me anymore. _Saskia feels the fever slowly going down, as her fear.

- Sammy hold her neck allright?

Saskia feels something cold on her forehead. Dean's just poured water on his scarf and had put it on her head. She's opening her eyes.

- Can you hear me?

The Thing is still close.

- Put...that...away, she whispers  
- What?  
- Your guns...put them away...

Dean looks at her eyes. She seems terrified, she's breathing with difficulty, and is very pale. She looks very young, all of a sudden. When he entered her shop this morning, he noticed she was pretty; thin, fit, long blond hair, bangs slightly hiding her eyes...Pretty but common. Now she looks different. There is something in her eyes, but he can't put a word on what it is.

- Don't worry, we won't hurt you.  
- I know...But i'm not so sure about me, she says, planting her eyes in his.

Around her pupils, something seemed to glow.

* * *

- What was that?! said a male voice behind Saskia.

She had just saved Mama from the horrible woman, when she heard someone whistling, and clapping hands. A man was standing a few feet away. He was old, well, he had gray hair, and was holding an axe. Behind him was a younger man, holding a crossbow, and a tiny man holding a shotgun. Mama rose up, pressing her hand on her temple where she was bleeding. She walked and stood right in front of Saskia, as if to protect her, and Saskia held instinctively her mother's leg.

- I'm Leni, she said, and this is my daughter Saskia.  
- I'm Rick, said the old man, and this is my son Logan, and my old friend Pivnik.

Logan, with the crossbow, was maybe 19 years old, the first day they met. Saskia was just a little girl, but she noticed how different he was from his father. Rick seemed nice, maybe a little butch, but nice. Logan on the other hand, was clinging to his weapon, looking at Saskia and her mother with a very black eye, the other being hidden with a long strand of black hair. Pivnik had nothing of a hunter, he was potbellied, pale, and looked like the typical cartoon coward.

- So, Saskia, is that it? You just killed a really bad monster you know that? said Rick, kneeling down, putting his axe on the ground.

Saskia was too shy to answer, and she tried to hide behind her mom's leg.

- She's special, said Ellen, very special.  
- I think we all saw that! Who are you?  
- I'm a witch.  
- You're a what?

Rick quicky picked up his axe, and Logan aimed at Ellen with his crossbow.

- Put that down. I'm a white witch, and a hunter, i'm on you side.  
- White witch? I thought you were all dead! Where the hell are you from?

Saskia didn't know what to do, since Mama said she couldn't even try to kill humans. She began to cry.

- Mama's from Europe! And she has lots of powers! She can see the future, heal people and clean haunted things! Please don't hurt her Mr Rick!

Ellen took her child in her arms, visibly touched. Rick put his axe down, and ordered Logan and Pivnik to do the same. Logan did it reluctantly.

- Mr Rick...how well raised of you, he said, with a gentle smile. I'm sorry Leni, if you're a hunter, you know how paranoid we can be sometimes.  
- I do...said Ellen, relieved.  
- So, is it true what she said? You can do all those things?  
- Uh...yes, I can.  
- Have you ever considered joining a group? We're 20 hunter, with our families, we'd be happy to have you with us.

Ellen couldn't repress a big smile. Rick thought she was really beautiful with her red hair, and big green eyes. She could have been the typical irish girl, though she had an accent that was definitely not irish. How old could she be? 25? She looked like she had been through a lot, but she still had some innocence in her eyes.

- Dad! said Logan, opening his mouth for the first time. We can't have another kid around!  
- In case you didn't notice, son, she doesn't look like she's like any kid, right little devil?

Ellen caught his wrist, planting her angry eyes in his

- Don't call her that. Ever.

* * *

- What the hell is that supposed to mean? said Dean, visibly angry  
- It means...I have...an ability...  
- What kind of ability?

Saskia is pressing his scarf on her forehead, and the glow he thought he saw was maybe just the fever. How could someone on such a condition be any threat at all?

- I uh...

_Why would i tell him that? _

_- _I...

_I need to tell someone._

- So?

_Am I a monster?_

- I can do pyrokinesis, she says, in a breath.

Saskia closes her eyes, waiting for him to tell her she's a freak of nature. He can't be different from everyone else. Fire has never been a witch power. It's a demonic one, every hunter would know that. She remembers the look her mother had on her face sometimes, when she saw her daughter using her "gift" on demons. That pain, that fear, that angst. She never had the courage to ask her if her father, whom her mother had never mentionned, was a demon, because she was too scared to hear that he may be. She let her mother tattoo her back for months, for almost a year, because she said it would protect her from evil, from the bad man, and from doing bad things. She also said that the tattoo was strong, but her mind was stronger, so she always had to remind she was a good girl, a good person, and never, ever try to hurt any human, or it would scar her soul, for life.

Maybe that's the moment where she dies. Maybe he's gonna shoot her. Maybe it's for the best, because what kind of wife could she be for someone like Michael, whom she lied to, whose heart is pure and mind is free?

She never could forget the pain of the tattoo, the life they had in those dirty places, the violence. Not going to school, going from places to places, only to witness slaughter and being used as a weapon. She began to hate her mother, and by the time she was 9 she wasn't calling her Mama anymore. She wasn't calling her Leni either, because it was the name her friends used, and she wasn't her friend. She called her Ellen, and she didn't believe her anymore. The last time she said Mama, she was crying on the burning ruins of the log cabin her mother was sleeping inside. And now...

- What the hell is pyrokinesis? said Dean, making an unintended funny face.


	7. Eyes

- It's uh...

At that moment, Sam falls sit on the ground, holding his head, apparently suffering a lot.

- Sammy? Sammy what's wrong?

Dean looks very worried. His eyes are different. When he was holding his gun, aiming at her, they were so dark she thought they were brown. Now he's looking at his brother, with very caring, loving, eyes. And they're green, pretty much the same color than her eyes. Well except when...It reminds her of Nan's eyes, when she was looking at her with all that love. When Saskia arrived, she had nightmares, horrible nightmares. She screamed and cried in her sleep, and very often, she woke up to Nan, caressing her hair, humming a little song, a lullaby, as if she were a baby. "Go back to sleep honey, it's over now, sleep little dove". She was treating her like the little girl she never had the chance to be, and he was still the big brother to that man who was twice his size.

Saskia rises from the couch, and crouch near Dean. She tries to touch Sam's forehead, but he catches her wrist, not violently, but firmly, and his eyes are hard again.

- I won't harm him, I promise, she says, softly. What's happening to him?  
- It's not of your concern, i can handle that.

Dean looks at Saskia, and notices she has a very special gaze. She's looking at him in the eyes, and it feels uncomfortable, as if she was seeing right through him and even beyond. But her expression is full of compassion, she really wants to help, so he loosens his grip on her wrist.

- As I told you earlier, my mother was a witch, a white witch. I can heal people, she taught me. Let me see, will you?  
- Ok...

Saskia puts her hand on Sam's forehead. He's burning. But it's not the flu. It's not a disease, he's not ill, he's...carrying something. He's carrying...

- Is your brother trying to get an ability?  
- What?  
- He's carrying...something...that is using his energy. Something very powerful his body tries to reject, that's why he has fever. But the bond is on his...soul.

Dean is amazed. Saskia's eyes are closed. She's very focused and calm. Her fever and sickness are completely gone, when they were absolutely not faked earlier.

- Yes he's trying to get a...power you'd say.  
- Apparently, this power is way too...strong...and it's conflicted with something in him

She's guessing, he has to stop her, now.

- Saskia stop.  
- Why?  
- I can't explain you why, but he needs this power. Can you help him feel better or not?  
- Dean i'm fine...says Sam with a weak voice  
- No you're not!  
- Calm down you two. Sam, when was the last time you slept?  
- Ha! You see, she agrees with me!

Saskia laughs. They're really not like the hunters she used to know. Rick for instance never cared when Logan was sick. He said a hunter had to be tough, that monsters don't care if you're sick. She had seen Logan hunting with a fever that would have put anyone in bed for days. Logan always wanted his father to be proud of him, just like a child...But the moment Saskia and Leni joined the group, Rick only had eyes for Leni, and only care about Saskia the little demonslayer, as he used to say. Saskia never had a father, so she never saw until much later how jalous and hurt Logan was. How awful it turned him to be rejected. But them, they have something, something strong. A real family.

- He doesn't sleep, he says he can't.  
- I can make him sleep, and ease the pain, I guess you're in pain, right?  
- Uh...yeah.  
- Dean, i can help your brother, but we need to go to my house. I don't have anything here.  
- Why would you do that?

_That's true. Why would I do that? I wanted them gone, and now i'm inviting them home?_ _Mike comes back from Canada tomorrow for God's sake!_ But they're helpless, worried, tired...When she was in need of help Nan was there for her. She can't let them like that. They're not brutes. They're not...Logan. She needs to start helping people instead off always asking for help.

- I used to be a hunter. I know what it's like. Let me help, Dean.

Dean doesn't know what to do. Even Castiel couldn't help Sam, so her? What could she do? He's been trying to ease the pain for weeks now, doing Dad's stew, being there, but it didn't help. Sam is still sick, and he can't stand seeing him like this. Maybe he could give her a try. If she messes up, he'll have his gun close.

- Ok, fine. Thanks.  
- Good, she says, smiling.

Saskia's home is a pretty white wooden house, with a flowered porch, and even a swing. The inside is quite old fashioned and very comfortable. It looks like an english cottage, well at least the idea Dean has of an english cottage. It doesn't fit Saskia's style, which very simple.

- Nice place...  
- It was my grandmother's. My adoptive grandmother, Nan.  
- The Nan from...  
- Nan's treasures yes, she passed away three years ago.  
- I'm sorry...  
- Thanks, there's a guest room up there, at the end of the hallway, you can lie him down up there.

Dean takes Sam to the guest room, which furniture is miscellaneous, but it looks cozy. Sam is protesting a little, he doesn't trust strangers as much as he used to when he was a kid, but the minute he's lying on the bed he can't help but making a little sound which makes Dean laugh

- Comfy princess?  
- Shut up...

When Dean comes back to Saskia, she's in the kitchen surrounded by various herbes, /pots/, things, and she's crushing things with a pestle.

- You're what, the Potions Master?

He looks like a kid right now, she can't help but smile.

- Harry Potter, how original. I'm making something to help him sleep, and something to ease the pain but Dean...  
- Yeah?  
- It's only temporary. He needs to be careful. That ability, whatever this is, is weakening him a lot.  
- I know. But it's very important.

Saskia put her hand on his shoulder. It's very warm, almost hot.

- I know what kind of sacrifices we sometimes have to do, but still, be careful.

Dean feels a little less on his guards, she looks genuinely worried. After a few minutes, she has made two "teas" Sam has to drink, and put the rest of the powders in little boxes she's given Dean. Now, she's near Sam, helping him drink.

- That's...good...  
- I mixed it with berries, that's why, you're suffering enough.

Sam smiles weakly, and at Dean's great surprise, he falls asleep just a few seconds after having swallowed his last sip.

- That's amazing.  
- He's going to sleep at least 5 hours. It's 2 in the morning so...if you want to sleep on the couch it's fine for me.  
- Thank you, really.

Saskia feels happy. She doesn't know how she's going to explain their presence to Mike - because even if it's the middle of the night people must have seen her - but right now she doesn't care. It's just nice to do it willingly, and not because someone's yelling a you and threatening you with his crossbow.

She brings a pillow and a duvet to Dean who's already sit on the couch, yawning. Then she comes back to the kitchen to clean up, when she hears a phone ring.

- Hey Garth, what's up?  
- Dean? Are you ok?  
- Yeah, why?  
- Is she near you?  
- Uh...yeah.  
- Ok listen carefully. I reached someone on the phone, someone named Franck Pivnik. This girl, Saskia Jager, she's extremely dangerous  
- What?  
- Shhh, listen. Ten years ago, she was living with his group, well Logan Atkins group, Rick Atkins'son, the...  
- Get to the point Garth!  
- They're all dead! The whole group. They...they burned Dean. Pivnik said he survived because that night he was sleeping in his car, and not in the abandoned house they were living in at that time.  
- So what does it have to do with...  
- I'm coming to it! Pivnik said he saw the house being torched, almost instantly, and he saw her walking out of it, the fire not burning her.  
- Damn!  
- He said she's half witch, and certainly also half demon. He quit hunting that night. Dean, there were 20 people in that house so...If it's the same person, just run.

Saskia is doing the dishes when she feels something cold on her neck.

- Tell me who you are, and what you gave to my brother. And if you try to torch me, I sware my bullet will be faster than you fire.


	8. Logan

Saskia feels the gun on her neck, and adrenaline is beginning to rush through her veins. _Inviting them in was stupid. I put myself in danger and I did it deliberately._

_**You should have let them die. Let me out, let me out and I will get rid of them for you. You'll be safe again.**_

- Answer the damn question!

* * *

- Why do you wanna do that Leni, that's an amazing gift she has!

Saskia turned 6 last week, and she's supposed to nap in Rick's RV. He and Mama are talking outside about her. She did a scary thing two days ago. She was very mad at Lou for insulting Mama - she called her a "stupid cunt" for getting hurt in a hunt- and she couldn't stop the anger. It was so strong it gave her fever. Lou is jealous because Rick loves Mama.

- You see what happened with Lou...  
- Yes, nothing! You said that yourself, she can't hurt people.  
- For now. She's only a little girl Rick, but...I saw...  
- What did you see?  
- I saw her, grown up, surrounded by fire, with people screaming...her face was...

Leni cries. In her vision, Saskia was the scariest thing: fire was turning around her like a tornado, and she was laughing, and laughing, and people were burning. It's been a week since she last slept. In the RV, Saskia feels like crying too. Mama's afraid of her.

- It was just a dream...  
- You know it's not. And I need to protect her, from harm, from...you know.  
- She's safe here.  
- Not for long if I don't do something.  
- All right, what do you need?  
- All the magic books you can find, I need to study.

Rick kisses Mama on the lips, and holds her. In the meantime, Logan enters the RV and grab some bread. He looks at Mama and his dad with angry eyes.

- Lou the bitch was quickly replaced...he says, sipping a beer.

* * *

- I tried to told you back at the shop. I have an ability. Pyrokinesis, it means i can make fire.  
- You're a demon?

_**Yes, we are, aren't we?**_

- No Dean, I'm not. Listen, I'm going to turn around now, allright? Don't shoot.  
- Don't try anything!

Saskia slowly turns around, and when she sees his face she knows this time she won't talk her way out of it. She needs to keep the control. The pain in her shoulder is becoming unbearable, she can feel the heat rushing in her body. It never happened twice the same day, and she's tired. If she releases it, she's going to torch everything, and yes she'll be faster than the bullet.

**_Because you can melt it. You can melt HIM._**

- Listen carefully, you think you're threatening me, but at this moment I'm more or less a nuclear bomb. I don't control this ability, not on people.  
- What did you give to Sam!

**_Burn! Burn!_**

It's to late. Saskia feels her hand burning, the fire is going out. She just has the time to notice the sink is filled with the water she used to clean the dishes, and tries to direct the heat in it. Part of it turns into steam instantely and the rest begins to boil. Dean can't see a thing, and has trouble breathing, it feels like he's in the middle of a volcano. He tries to catch his breath, when suddenly, he feels Saskia just grabbed his gun.

-Sit down, now.

* * *

- Son i want you to train Saskia a little, she's big enough to come with us on cases, right little demonslayer?

Saskia smiles, she's happy to have Rick's confidence. In 6 months she will be ten, and Rick said it was time she would work her own cases. Ellen doesn't agree. She never agrees. She's just been done with tattooing her back, and frankly, Saskia doesn't talk to her that much anymore. She's always talking about threats Saskia's never seen. She doesn't like being with the group, but she doesn't want to leave either. The only good moments are when she teaches Saskia magic, but lately, they didn't do a lot of interesting things, and Ellen seems depressed all the time. Even Rick doesn't know what to do. Anyway after years of being stuck in the camp, it feels nice to know that she's going to investigate cases with the grownups.

- And why me? I have other things to do, i'm not a god damn babysitter! Why don't you ask her mother, she has one, doesn't she? Or is she just here so you can fuck her?

Rick punches Logan so hard he falls on the ground. His mouth is bleeding. Saskia doesn't know what to do. She tries to help him get up but he pushes her away.

- You're gonna do as I say, you little shit. I'm still in charge here. And this kid and her mom are a hundred times you value. So shut up and get to work.

Logan rises, and spits blood on the ground.

- Yes sir.

* * *

Dean sits. This is a very, very dangerous situation. And he doesn't know how's Sam. He could be dead right now, he could be poisoned. Saskia has opened the window, to make to fresh air come in. She's still scared but she's also a little proud. It's the first time she has some kind of control over her ability. The pain is now bearable, but she still has to be careful.

- Your brother is fine. You have my word.  
- I'm supposed to trust you? You killed the people you were living with, you killed you family!

Saskia looks at him, her eyes having that weird glow again. Oh fuck, don't piss her off. She clenches her fists, and breaths. Her shoulder is beginning to hurt bad again. Calm down.

- They were never my family. I had only one, my mother. And she died when I was ten.  
- Oh...  
- Yes. She died in a fire. And don't look at me like that, I wasn't even there. She always said something was after us, after me. I guess that thing found her then. Or it was an accident. Anyway she died, and so did the man who tried to get her out of the house. His name was Rick, Rick Atkins.

* * *

-MAMAAAAA!

Saskia is crying over the remains of the log cabin. They're still smoking. They came back from a hunt with Logan this morning, right after Rick called, saying the camp was burning, saying that Leni was trapped inside and that he would try to save her. The minute they arrived, Pivnik was there, holding his cap. He was covered in dust and ashes. He said to Logan "I tried to get him out, but...he wouldn't leave without her". Logan pushed him on the ground and ran to the ruins, followed by Saskia. When she saw the house, she understood, and collapsed, crying. She had been mad at her mother for months now, years, and now that she was alone, she felt how much she actually loved her.

She thought she saw a tear in Logans eye, or maybe was it just the smoke.

- Get up, stop crying.  
- Leave me alone!

Logan grabs her by the neck and gets her up, not loosening his grip, almost strangling her.

- You don't get to order me anything, demon. Not anymore.

* * *

- You seem to be a very caring brother so tell me, Dean, what kind of family uses you as a weapon?  
- What do you mean?  
- When I was a child, I couldn't use my abilities on people. It didn't work. I could only kill demons and ghosts.  
- You could burn demons?  
- Yes. And guess what, when you're in need of money that's a thing you can use. So I was their little money bringer. And also their weapon. When my mother was alive, we both had to work to stay. She said we needed their protection. I thought we didn't. But anyway we had to. So I've never been to school. You see what it does to me back there. I tires me, it makes me sick if I do it too much. They didn't care. My mother told me to be brave. I had nosebleeds, headaches, fever. And no one cared. No one. Does it sound like a family to you?

John was hard on them but he wouldn't have treated them like this. Or would he? He was the one who told Dean that one day he may have to kill Sam. Maybe those people used her but despised her. It didn't excuse the murder though. Saskia sees his expression, he's frowning, still looking judgmental.

- When Rick died, his son Logan took over. I had known him since I was five, and he was 24 years old. He hated my mother, and he hated me for what happened to his knew something about me that he never told. He could have kicked me out, but he prefered keeping me in, using me even more than before. Beating me, starving me, locking me in his "dunjeon" when i dared talking back to him. So tell me, big brother, what kind of family does that?

Dean sits. He'd like to think she's lying, but she's not. She looks calm, but she's tense, she's more like...in shock.

- I tried to endure it. Until that day, not so long after my 15th birthday.

* * *

It's summer. The weather is very hot and they're camping not so far away from a little lake. The girls are bathing, and laughing, but Saskia doesn't want to join them, they're Lou's friends. And Lou doesn't like her. Saskia has just found some place she can be alone. She's never alone, there's always someone behind her, so she can't run away. She often thinks, run away to go where? She takes off her clothes, slowly, because her back is bruised. Two days ago, she was two tired to kill a demon Logan and his friends brought.

She enters the cold water and it really feels nice. It's like it's cleaning the pain away. She swims a little, and rests in the water, eyes closed, listening to the birds and the wind in the branches. _I should let myself drown._

But she doesn't have the strenght to do it. She gets out of the water when she sees Logan's here.

- I told you to stay with the group K.

She's naked, afraid, and ashamed. But he won't leave. He looks at her getting dressed, and when she's done, he drags her to his RV and locks her inside.

Three days later, they have moved to another abandoned place, this time, an abandoned motel. Logan hasn't said a word since the lake episode. The first thing he did was handcuffing her to a bed, and ordering her to keep quiet, that Pivnik would bring her food. She waits for hours, but Pivnik doesn't come. Logan does, still silent. He smells like whiskey and his eyes are weird.

Saskia doesn't move, she doesn't make a sound. She knows how it is when he's angry. But he doesn't seem angry. He's removing the handcuffs, and she can finally move her numb wrists.

- Go to bed he says, throwing a sleeping bag on the old bed.

Saskia waits for him to be gone and slips inside the bag. It feels good to be a little comfortable.

She's lightly sleeping when she feels she's not alone. She opens her eyes, her heart beating really fast, and slowly turns around. Logan is here, lying right beside her, looking at her. She's so scared she doesn't know what to say. Her eyes are wide open, but it's too dark to see his expression. A few seconds pass, when suddenly, he crushes her mouth with his left hand, and rolls on top of her. With his right hand, he's taking off her jeans.

_Close your eyes. There's nothing you can do. Just close your eyes. It will be over soon._

* * *

- Does it still sound like family to you, big brother?


	9. The Fire

_Hi guys! Sorry for being away for so long. I hope you'll like this new chapter of Saskia's story, and i promise you i'll try to be more regular :)_

* * *

- It doesn't.  
- What?  
- It doesn't sound like family.

Saskia is surprised. Dean's eyes are blurry. He's not aggressive anymore, he's looking at his hands, resting on the table. She didn't expect that. She thought he would lecture her, not believe her, because every hunter knows a demon is a lying creature that doesn't deserve to be trusted. But he doesn't. He looks tired, and older. A few awkward and silent minutes pass, until Dean finally says something.

- My mother died in a fire too. After that...we were never a family again...well except for me and Sammy so...if it means something to you...just let me check on him.  
- Of course...

Dean climbs the stairs, followed by Saskia, still firmly holding the gun. She doesn't trust him enough to follow him unarmed. Dean opens the door, and finds Sam asleep. He seems better, his cheeks have regained some colors. Dean checks his pulse, it's slow and regular. She said the truth, he's fine.

- You see, he's ok...  
- Yeah sorry...  
- Let's go back downstairs.

In the living room, Saskia asks Dean to sit on the sofa.

- You need to know how my story ends.

* * *

Saskia didn't sleep. In movies you see very often that scene when a girls gets up in a stranger's bed and wonders how she got there. As if you could sleep, in that kind of situation. Logan left her side right after he was done. Without a word. Casually.

It was definitely a sign he would do it again.

That was the final step of him owning her. Getting his revenge over his father and life in general. Suddenly she felt a burst of fear.

_What if he got me pregnant?  
_That would be the worst. A few days ago, she wanted to drown and didn't have the courage to do it. Until now, she had always tried to do her best to satisfy him so he wouldn't hurt her, or kill her. But that was no use. Plus, she didn't really think life had any value. So from now on, she wouldn't do anything for him. And if he wanted to beat her, if he wanted to kill her, he would just put an end to her misery.  
Right now she just needed to clean his smell out of her.

At noon Pivnik came to bring her food and uncuff her. At the look on his face, she saw he guessed what happened. But he didn't say a word, he just couldn't look at her in the eyes.

- I uh...brought you some food.  
- I'm not hungry.  
- You ok?  
- Do you care?

Fucking coward. Saskia couldn't put anything in her mouth. Her stomach was torn with rage and disgust. At night, Pivnik came back, still looking at his feet.

- Logan wants to see you...  
- Tell him he can go to hell.  
- Saskia please? You know what happens when he's angry...  
- I do. Do you?

Of course he brought back Logan, who didn't use the word please. He began to kick her and yell at her. Pivnik fled, looking upset. But she didn't say a word, she didn't cry, she didn't beg like she used to. It made him even more furious. He dragged her by the hair to the common room. Everyone was there, looking at her. Not saying a word to end this fury, some, like Lou, looking quite content.

He tossed her on the ground like a piece of garbage, and asked for his chains. Then, he chained her and said she wouldn't be fed until she'd do what he said. Saskia had secretely hoped that someone would help her. That someone would step up and say something. But no one did. She was on the verge of crying. So she asked him with a very little voice:

- Why do you do this to me?

He looked at her with contempt and said

- Why do I do what?  
- How can you do all those things to me when I'm just a child?

He began to laugh. Some others began to laugh as well. Why are they laughing, she thought? Why do they hate me so much?

- You have never been a child. You're not even human. You're nothing.

And he spat on the ground.  
At that moment, something broke inside Saskia. She felt it precisely in her belly, something broke, and then something was released. It felt like a heatwave, like fire, burning inside her. Oddly enough, it made her feel the happiest she had been in years, and she had to laugh, she had to. The joy was so, so overwhelming!

Logan turned around and say "What's so funny?" and he tried to catch the chain. He didn't see it was red. A scent of burning flesh came to her nose, and she liked it. Logan was screaming, looking at his burnt hand, and said "You bitch!". He came towards her and tried to punch her.

- You burn, she said, with a little smile.

Logan caught on fire. His flesh melt, as the chains. And the whole room was just a giant scream, and then a giant fire. Saskia walked in the middle of it. She didn't notice her clothes had burnt. Everytime she looked at someone he was turned into a human torch. She thought it was beautiful. She slowly made her way out, while the building was collapsing around her. When she walked outside, she saw the stars in the sky more accurately that she had ever did. She felt every straw of grass under her feet. She felt the wind. She felt incredibly well. She decided she would go on walking and walked straight to the forest.

* * *

- And that's where my memories end. After that, I woke up naked and cold in the middle of nowhere. At first I couldn't remember anything. I thought Logan had brought me there. I came back to the camp, and i saw everything was destroyed. I thought somehow God...or whoever...granted my wish. I went straight to Logan's RV because he was the one who kept my stuff. I took some clothes, my mother's books, a gun, my IDs, and i ran away. The memories came back 6 months later, a few days before i arrived in North Kingston.  
- And?  
- And i decided to die here. When Nan found me, i was going to go in the ocean and swim until i drown. I thought I was evil. Nan gave me a home. A real family. Love. I don't know what I am, but I know that evil is not created, it's made. I didn't lie to you, i'm getting married in a few. I worry sometimes because i feel like he deserves better. And he does. But i will do my best to keep him happy, and never hurt anyone again. Now, do what you have to do.

Saskia hands over the gun to Dean, who grabs it. She closes her eyes, and hears a click.


	10. Glow

Nothing happens. Saskia hears a sigh, and she slowly opens her eyes

- I was just putting the safety on, said Dean.

Saskia feels suddenly weak and has to sit down. She grips the armchair right behind her and heavily sits down. She can just whisper

- Why?

Deans sighes again, frowns, opens his mouth, as to say something, and finally says

- Do you have something to drink?  
- Like what?  
- Like...i don't know, bourbon...  
- Sure...

Saskia slowly rises and pours Dean a glass of bourbon. She feels confused. He looks weird, looking at his hands, visibly tired. All the anger he had earlier seems to have disappeared the moment he saw his brother was fine.

He grabs the glass, drinks a little, and keeps it in his hands, staring at the liquid. Saskia sits, wondering what's coming next. He still has his gun close.

- A few months ago, I would have shot, he says, still looking at his glass. I would have thought you were some kind of monster who killed 20 people, and that you'd kill again.  
- So why didn't you ?

He finally looks at her, and Saskia notices something different in his eyes. He lost that tough and judgmental gaze ; instead he now looks like and old child.

- I've been through things...that showed me...life isn't that simple. That you can't separate right and wrong so easily. Last year, i've been to a very dark place, dangerous place. And the only help, and support, that i found, was a vampire's. He was, he is like a brother to me. He saved me. It took me years to understand that as you said, evil is made.  
- So you don't think i'm evil.  
- Your power is some crazy stuff, that's for sure. But that Logan, he, was evil. You were not.  
- He wasn't...  
- What ?  
- I mean, he was...But him too, one day he was a happy and confident little kid. And life put him in so much misery and abuse that he turned that way.

Dean can't hide his surprise.

- After all what he did to you, how can you think that ?

Saskia has tears in her eyes

- Because...I understood that when Nan took me in. Before that, i hated Logan. I hated him from the bottom of my heart. When i remembered what i did, i felt guilty, but not for him. But Nan showed me what life could be when you're safe and loved. And it made me think about him, how Rick insulted him and beat him all the time. Back then, i thought it was deserved, because Rick was our leader. But it wasn't. Logan had lost his mother at a very young age and wasn't loved by his father. It made him nuts. Love...maybe...would have made him a different person. It made me a different person.

* * *

- You want to take a shower honey ?

Saskia was sit in the old lady's living room. She had just finished drinking the cup of tea she gave her. She didn't precisely knew why she followed her. She wanted to die. So why is she on this comfy couch drinking tea and eating scones ?

- Honey ?

Take a shower. Why not. She's dirty, that's for sure. Her jeans are worn out, her hair is greasy. She tied it in a bun on top of her head, but you could still see it had been a long time since the last shampoo.

- Uh yes, thank you.

The bathroom was old fashioned, and the bath is huged. She couldn't remember the last time she took an actual bath. She certainly never had in such an beautiful one. The water was hot, really hot, and the soap smelled really good. She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep, only to see two black angry eyes, and a melting face. She woke up screaming, and began to shiver, despite the hot water. The old lady came quickly with a big towel, and got her out of the bath, drying her, holding her close, repeating « It's ok », in her ear.

Saskia saw the look in her eyes when she noticed the tattoo, surprise, and the one she had when she saw how skinny she was, and the cigarette burns, the scars, the old bruises... Pity. So Saskia backed off and asked if she could leave her alone so she could get dressed. She hated the look of pity in people's eyes. A few minutes later, she went to the kitchen, and asked for her backpack, resolved to leave.

- As you like sweetheart, but...I already made dinner, so if you like turkey...

Maybe she could eat something and leave after.

* * *

- But it doesn't excuse... !  
- Of course not. But it explains. If i hadn't find Nan, who knows who i would be now ? Even today i do things sometimes without thinking about the consequences on people. Like with...that wardrobe...

Dean smiles, then laughs a little.

- Wanting a little profit doesn't make you evil. If it did i would have a lot of work with bankers, traders...  
- Thank you.  
- For what ?  
- For not shooting.  
- You're welcome.  
- Does it bother you if i smoke ?  
- No, go ahead.

Saskia lights a cigarette and she feels instantly relaxed and focused. It's weird how comfortable she feels with this man who wanted to kill her 10 minutes ago. He's not like the average hunter, and if she began by despising him the moment she saw him enter her shop, now her feelings are a little more complex.

- How long have you been hunting ?  
- My whole life...well...since my mother died. I was seven.  
- You parents were hunters ?  
- My mother came from a family of hunters. But she stopped when she married my dad. He...he decided to hunt after she died.  
- Why ?  
- She was killed by a demon.  
- What happened?

Dean looks at Saskia, curled up in her armchair, the smoke blurring her features. She seems very interested, and her eyes are almost...glowing again. After everything she said, he feels like he owes her, like he can trust her with his story. He talks about Mary, the deal she made, about John. About the fire. How John lost his mind, and how they never had a normal life again. He talked about Sam, and he noticed a light smile on her face when he mentionned how close they were, how he raised him, even if he was still a kid himself. He talked about the demon blood, about when Sam left for college, tired of John's authority and brutality. The hunting days, the loneliness, having to be the "man"...All that pressure for so little happiness.

- Why didn't you leave too?  
- I...I didn't feel like leaving my dad before...before we found the demon you know...  
- But...it wasn't your quest, it was his.  
- And maybe...I felt like my place was with him because i've never been able to do anything else. Hunting's where I belong.

He said that with a sad voice he tries to hide by drinking a sip of bourbon. Saskia lights another cigarette, breathes out, and say

- That can't be true.  
- Yes, it is. I tried to mainstream. To have a normal life once. Total failure.

He notices she's frowning.

- Hey it doesn't mean it will be the same for you!

He smiles again, but he's faking.

- Anyway, Sam came back with us when my dad disappeared. He was supposed to help me on a case and when we came back to his place, his girlfriend...She died...killed by the same demon.  
- Oh God...  
- Yeah i'm sorry to give you such a vision of hunters trying to get a normal life...After that, we hunted him down for months until we finally got him.  
- You killed him?  
- Yeah. No more Azazel.  
- Azazel from the Bible?  
- Yeah. The yellow-eyed bastard himself.

Dean sees Saskia freeze. Her eyes are widened by...fear?

- Ye...yellow eyes, you said?  
- Yeah...what's wrong?

Tears are falling on Saskia's cheeks, and she's trembling. She can't speak. Dean sees her rubbing her eyes, and then taking off...contact lenses? She keeps her eyes closed, and then manage to whisper

- Like this?

She opens her eyes. From green, they become amber. And start to glow.


	11. The call of the road

- You gotta be kidding me!  
- You're the first person to see my eyes since...since I left my group. So tell me...

Saskia's eyes are not yellow like Azazel's. They're more like honey colored, but the S shape is there.

- That's...that's almost exactly his eyes  
- Oh God...

Saskia rises from her chair and rushes outside. She's breathing heavily, her whole body hurts. He was right. Logan was right. I'm evil, i've always been evil. She feels a hand on her shoulder, and tries to calm down.

- You ok?  
- No Dean, no, i'm not...What...happened to me?  
- I don't know. But i told you about my brother right?  
- Yes...  
- Maybe that's what happened to you.

Saskia sites on the porche's stairs, and Dean sits beside her.

- You said...you said your brother was brought to a house with all the other children who were given demon blood.  
- Yeah.  
- I wasn't there, obviously. - Well your tattoo...  
- What about it?  
- Your mother told you she made it to protect you, right?  
- Yes.  
- Maybe she knew what was coming. Maybe the night she died, he came for her. My mother had made a deal with Yellow-Eyes, he gave her ten years. Do you remember anything that happened when you were little, something out of the ordinary?  
- I don't have any memory before i was five.  
- Really? Not a single one?  
- No. Nothing.  
- So something did happen. And then, she tattooed you because she knew he would come for her, and then come for you.  
- She said the tattoo would keep the bad man away...Tears are overflowing her.

- All those years i thought she was crazy. I thought she was just a lost woman, torturing me for nothing. She did protect me, she did save my life. And until the very end i've despised her, i loathed her. And she never said anything...ever.- She didn't want to scare you, for sure. You know if Sammy had known what the demon blood would make him do...it would have destroyed him...And your powers are far greater than his...

Saskia wipes her eyes, and lights a cigarette.

- Logan knew. He always called me evil.  
- Maybe his father knew, and told him.  
- Your friend, the one you called.- Garth?  
- Yes. He contacted Pivnik, right?  
- What...what do you want to do?  
- If Logan knew, then Pivnik knew. If Pivnik is alive, i have to see him.  
- Saskia...  
- I won't do anything to him, but if he knows things about me, I want to know them!

Her eyes are glowing again. She need to know who she is. It's clear now. How can she live without knowing anything about herself, her family, her history? If Pivnik is alive, he owes her an explanation. He never helped her, he never tried to do anything for her. And even today, he could have had her killed. Not killing him is going to be an effort. But she won't, right?  
By this moment, she completely forgot Mike is coming back in the morning. She forgot about the wedding. She's focused on hunting Pivnik and she's never felt this excited in years. She feels suddenly hungry, though usually she's never hungry. She walked to the kitchen and starts making herself a sandwich. It's almost dawn.

Dean is still sit on the porch. She rised and left without a word, lost in her thougts. Of course he could give her Garth's contact. After all she has the right to know who she is and where she comes from. Without realizing it he walked straight to the kitchen. Standing on the threshold, he's looking at Saskia's silhouette. She's holding a huge knife, and she's cutting big slices of bread. He thinks he's hungry too, and before he can realize it, he's standing right behind her, almost touching her.

Saskia can feel his breath on her neck. A few hours ago, he was trying to kill her, and she can still feel the excitement of the fight. He doesn't move, he doesn't touch her. She's holding a knife. What is he thinking.

Dean puts his hand on Saskia's right hand, the one holding the knife. She quickly turns around and puts it on his throat. He doesn't move, he makes his annoying little smirk. She smiles.

- Not afraid?  
- Not even a bit.

Saskia grabs his neck and kisses him, still holding the knife. But he slowly grabs her wrist, and she lets it fall on the ground. There will be no unnecessary words. She thought she would die tonight, now she needs to feel alive. He's strong, he's scarred. He knows who she is and he doesn't flee. He's exactly what she needs right now.

She almost killed him, and then she trusted him. She's weak and strong, good and evil. He doesn't know exactly what led him into tearing her clothes, and holding her so passionately, but he needed it. He needed that violence, that attraction. There won't be a second time, and he know it, but right now, he can't get enough of her.

* * *

- It's morning. Your brother's going to wake up soon.

Saskia gets up from the living room carpet. She doesn't try to hide her nudity, but walks slowly to the fireplace and lights, again, another cigarette. Dean walks to her, not trying to hide either.

- We won't see each other again, right?  
- I don't think so, no.  
- I'll give you Garth's number, just promise me you won't kill that guy.- I will. Now excuse me but i have to get dressed and clean that mess up.

Dean puts back his clothes, and climb the stairs to find Sam slowly regaining consciousness.

- How do you feel?  
- Better than yesterday. Dude, you look tired.  
- Uh the...couch was not really comfortable.  
- Gettin old?  
- Shut up!

When they both reach the living room, Saskia's waiting them with cups of coffee. She's dressed, the room is cleaned up and she's acting like nothing happened. They drink their coffee, and say the usual greetings. Dean tries to meet her eyes, but she keeps on staring at her cup. When they finally get inside the Impala, Sam asks

- Something happened last night? Things were pretty awkward back there.- No uh, not at all, she's just an unusual girl...I guess.

* * *

Mike's coming in two hours. And Saskia has to think about what she's going to tell him. Maybe she owes him the truth, maybe he won't be able to handle it. But this marriage won't happen. Not now, anyway. She has to stop running, and stop trying to be someone she's not.

She was born on the road, and raised on the road.

It's calling her. Let's go.


End file.
